White House Solves Medicare and Social Security With One Initiative

The White House hired a team of actuaries to identify where our risks lie with both Medicare and Social Security. The result of the analysis gave a single initiative that can fix both programs and save enough money to justify spending more on other programs.

The head of the actuarial team, Biehn Counter, revealed that the solution was obvious. "You're spending millions on expensive treatments to extend life. This puts a drain on Medicare but also puts a drain on Social Security. The more years you give them the more benefits you have to pay." Therefore, the solution suggested by Mr Counter and embraced by the White House is to deny expensive treatments for the elderly. "There's just no cost benefit to the treatments", Mr Counter explained.

White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, said that people are simply living too long. "People are living well into their 80's and 90's now which means that they are collecting social security for 20 - 30 years. If we could trim that down to 15 we would save enough to pay for health care for everybody."

So the new plan has been revealed. In order to give health care to those who don't have it we're going to deny it to those that currently do. The White House objected to this description saying, "This is an emergency situation and aggressive action needs to be taken." I asked why, knowing it would reach this point, when reforms were proposed in years past they argued that Republicans were "fear mongering". The response was simply that when reforms were previously suggested the current President was still in the State Legislature.