Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Trials of Spinsterhood

Since my blog is titled This Spinster's Point of View I thought I ought to tell you a bit about being a spinster. I've never been married, hence the spinster moniker, and I've lived alone for the last 25 years. I even, in stereotypical fashion, have way too many cats. Living alone for so many years I've developed a level of independence that makes me even less desirable to the men who already weren't interested. As a spinster I have to take out my own garbage, fix my own appliances, mow my own lawn and even kill my own rodents (which is why spinsters have cats). One of the biggest trials of being a spinster is all of your married friends and family pushing you to find a man. "You need to get out more" they'll say. "You need to find a way to meet men" they encourage. I have to admit that every couple of years I decide that this might be a good idea. The results usually turn me off of dating for another couple of years until I start the cycle again. I have even tried Internet dating and found that it simply opened up new avenues for rejection.

I know other spinsters who are as happy in their unmarried state as I. Fabulous, smart, funny and successful women who don't need a man to be happy and, as a result of not needing a man, can't seem to get one. Since we don't need a man we aren't looking which many others can't understand. The concept of being happy while uninvolved is beyond the grasp of many in contemporary society. And yet, I've never understood the "any man is better than no man at all" philosophy. With some of the men I've dated I can assure you that no man at all is definitely preferable.

I'm not a man hater. In fact I'm quite the opposite. I love men. Preferring the company of men to that of other women. I have many good men friends and acknowledge that most of my married friends are lucky in their mates. But having so many good male friends is one of the reasons that I remain a spinster. Why seek out the complications of a romantic relationship when I already have the uncomplicated friendship of some truly great men.

At this point in my life there are only 2 things that marriage might give me that my current status does not. Both would depend quite strongly on the man I married. One potential benefit would be additional financial security. I make a good living so I don't need a man to support me, but a second income would help. Especially if it was more than my own. But of course our combined salaries could not exceed $250K or we'd be taxed into oblivion. The other benefit would be lots and lots of guilt free sex. This would be my main reason for marrying. So of course I'd need a man with a healthy sex drive and certain natural talents.

Even reaching my mid-40's without marriage and without a relationship that could ever have been referred to as "serious", I am still not averse to marriage. To the right man of course. Although I have to admit that the idea of the wedding holds more appeal than the marriage. The receiving line especially. I really like the idea of people standing in line to fulfill their obligation of telling me I look beautiful. Now that holds some appeal.

So in conclusion, being a spinster has it's pros and it's cons just like everything else. It's a situation that I embrace and enjoy but sends others into depression. But if you're a spinster and feel like there's something wrong with you because you've never married, the opposite could be true. Perhaps you've never married married because there's something right about you. You're in good company. And at least you don't have a crazy ex-husband. There's always a silver lining. So you've never been married, you've also never been divorced.

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