First Lady Breaks Fingernail - Bush Policies Blamed

First Lady Michele Obama broke a fingernail while zipping her dress yesterday. A dress she had, shockingly enough, previously worn. White House insiders revealed that both the President and the First Lady railed against the previous Bush policies that forced her to zip her own dress and, therefore, break her nail.

In an attempt to offset the image of America as an arrogant country, which the President has consistently apologized for, the First Lady is attempting to show herself as a regular woman and mother. She is taking this seriously and has begun doing things for herself that she has not done in years. Zipping her own dress was one of these things.

It is common knowledge in the white house, and in the press, that anything bad that happens is the result of former President George W Bush's policies. However, anything good that happens is the result of President Obama's actions. The broken nail was simply the latest in a long line of tragedies to befall the country as a result of Bush's irresponsibility. Sadly, due to the one broken nail, all of the other nails had to be trimmed to match. This resulted in an emergency visit to the White House's personal manicurist costing the taxpayers $426,000.

President Obama is expected to request funding for a program to supply all Americans with a manicurist stating that the ability of some to afford a manicure while others cannot is a perfect example of the inequality in our nation. The new bill is expected to create 60,000 new jobs in the manicurist industry.