Sources indicate that the teleprompter the President uses to speak to his family over breakfast seriously malfunctioned this morning. The teleprompter was pulling a feed from Fox News instead of the words that were originally programmed. This resulted in the President speaking to his wife and children about the increase in spending compared to the decrease in revenue. The President was reportedly "mad as a hornet" over the malfunction.
Sources inside the White House have revealed that a vast right wing conspiracy is suspected. They believe that Republicans and other extremists, knowing that the President is incapable of coherent speech without the teleprompter, are attempting to sabotage the message of the current administration. They believe this was a test to see if the teleprompter could be hacked and the president's message replaced with their own. They are reportedly very grateful that this was identified over breakfast and did not advance to the daily briefing where the teleprompter is also used.
We have also been told that Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napolitano, uses this attack to justify the identification of Americans in the Conservative movement as potential terrorists. The CIA will no longer be monitoring communications with Al Qaeda but will instead be monitoring calls into talk radio.
Napolitano said, "We believe that the terrorists who attacked the White House listen to talk radio and will be calling in to take responsibility." With that statement, the Democrats in Congress are pushing to have the Fairness Doctrine re-established stating that the imbalance on talk radio is leading to terrorism within the country.
A new Teleprompter Czar will be appointed shortly to ensure that the hack is not repeated.
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