Why Adultery

Why do people commit adultery? One of the most selfish acts they can ever commit? Why do people risk their families, their friends, their children for sex? Why?

I found out today from a friend that her husband has been cheating on her. They have been married for 22 years and he has pissed that all away. And what's worse is that he's re-writing the last 22 years in his head in order to justify his actions. He won't move out so she is forced to deal with the betrayal, the ongoing betrayal, every day. As are his children who are both old enough to know what's going on.

So why do people do this? The woman he is having an affair with is also married, so this is not limited to men. Adultery hurts everybody. It tears people apart. I'm hurt by this, though of course to nowhere near the level my friend is, but I would never have seen this coming. When she told me it rocked me back on my heels and caused me to re-evaluate everything I know about relationships. How could this happen and why? His friends have deserted him, his children hate him, and his family (who never liked his wife) are the only people still talking to him. And of course the whore he's been screwing.

To make matters worse, the whore's husband is in denial over the whole thing. And my friend's husband won't leave her until his bit of stuff on the side leaves her husband. Too big a coward to strike out on his own. So why, why, why would these 2 people risk everything for their affair? Somebody please explain it to me because I can't understand how this can happen. Can it be love if neither is willing to leave the spouse they were cheating on? I don't think so. And falling in love with somebody else is not an excuse anyway. The best bit of advise I ever got from my mother was that being married did not mean you would never fall in love again, it only meant you couldn't do anything about it.

This was a couple that had been happily married for over 20 years before this started. They were affectionate with each other and supportive. But then my friend is blindsided when she finds out he's been having an affair with a married friend and co-worker. And then he won't leave. Luckily she has a very supportive family because I can't imagine going through this alone.

So somebody please explain adultery to me. And why sexual satisfaction with somebody other than your spouse is more important that everybody you know.