Congress Regulates TP Usage

I initially wrote this six months ago but with the way things are going I thought it would be fun to resurrect it.

In the new green environment of Congress and the Obama Administration, legislation is being passed to control how we use products that impact the planet. When the Cap and Trade was proposed, Republican Roy Blunt said, "Taxes on air my ass!" This gave the Democratic leadership in congress what they believe is a brilliant idea.

"Americans use too much toilet paper," said Harry Reid. "They don't consider how these big wads of paper clog up our sewer systems and put strain on our water treatment systems. They also don't consider how many trees have to be cut down in order to wipe their asses. This selfish lack of consideration for our environment is partially responsible for the global warming / climate change crisis."

New regulations are being put on the toilet paper industry so that 2 ply toilet paper will be banned, and biodegradability will be more important than softness. It has also been proposed to put a per sheet tax on the toilet paper to ensure that Americans are not using more than they need. Questions arose on how to manage this in public restrooms and the suggestion was made to install automatic, coin operated dispensers. These will not be installed in the Capital building or in any other restroom utilized by Government officials and their staff. However, Lindsey Graham (R) offered an alternative stating that we use the numerous copies of the stimulus package as a toilet paper alternative. He said, "all that bill was good for was wiping our asses anyway."

The toilet paper industry is just the first in many publicly owned companies that the Congress will now attempt to design products for. They have decided that they can't get us to buy what they want us to so they will ensure that any undesirable products are no longer created. Enjoy that 2 ply soft toilet paper while you can. If Congress didn't chap your ass before, the certainly will soon.

Real Stimulus

The administration keeps telling us how the recession is ending and we're on the road to recovery; claiming the stimulus package is responsible even though only 10% of the money has been spent, and most of that unwisely.

New polls show that the majority of Americans believe the stimulus money should be put back in the coffers to reduce the deficit, or given to the people. Either one of these would work just fine for me, but if we really want to stimulate the economy further and we're going to use the money, then it should be in the hands of the taxpayers; 72% of Americans agree with me.

If we took the roughly $708 BILLION dollars remaining in the stimulus fund, and divided that by the roughly 92.3 million people in the country who actually pay taxes, then each person would receive $7,670 each. Think about what we could do with that money.

If you're in debt it could go to pay off that debt and boost the banks.
If you need a new car, you use it for that and boost the auto industry (buy a Ford)
If you aren't in debt and your car is fine then you could really do some shopping, increasing retail sales and boosting other companies resulting in new jobs.

Just imagine how the economy would be stimulated if 92 million people got to go on a spending spree with $7,000 of their own money. Now that's some stimulus!