Where's My Gerard Butler?

In watching a clip from The Ugly Truth with Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl (it looks awesome) I was thinking that I could use a coach of my own. Of course he has to look and sound exactly like Mr Butler. Though I'd prefer him with his natural Scottish brogue. (insert big heaving sigh here)

Like Katherine's character in this movie I don't understand men. At all. At least not on a romantic level. I have lots of male friends and can hang out, watch football, drink beer and play poker with them and have the time of my life. I'm actually pretty good with a man / woman friendship. But I can never seem to get a relationship with a man that isn't friendship. Of course some of this is because most of the men I know are married. Or gay. But mainly it's because I don't understand the rules of attraction. If a man speaks to me I assume he wants to have an intelligent conversation. This is where that oh so sexy Gerard Butler comes in to play.

In one of the movie clips I saw, he tells Abby (Heigl) that he can help because he knows lust, seduction and manipulation which is something she knows nothing about. Wouldn't I love to find a man who knows about lust and seduction and is willing to teach me a thing or two about them. Although the manipulation I could live without.

So where can I find a romance coach like that? And more importantly, how can I seduce HIM.